If you're never gonna love me, don't tell me now

I’m sure I loved you before I even heard you say name.

But what do I call this?

It can’t be love. Don’t you dare call it limerence. It must be fate.

One day our eyes met and I couldn’t look away. I knew I should, but even when I tried, my eyes were caught up in yours. Locked in.

Our eyes said everything we couldn’t. I felt like you and I were the only people who ever existed.

I know you felt the room vibrate when your hand brushed against mine. I think the energy took you by surprise. It took my breath away. I saw how your eyes would soften when you looked at me. I noticed even when you were speaking, your mind was on me.

You pretend now that you didn’t know that I felt the same way. But when we say, “the same way” I’m not sure we mean the same thing.

Because I love you.

I could love you forever. The way you are so gentle and speak to me like I’m precious. Did you know your breath catches sometimes when you look at me?

I see you too.

Now that my heart heard you say my name like a prayer, she is greedy for more. Now that our bodies were introduced, there is a craving for you to know me and see all of me. Especially the places I try so hard to hide.

You run when we get close. You need space when I don’t. I feel foolish for wanting to lay my head on your chest and forget you hate to express emotions.

You say you tell me things you don’t tell anyone else. That I’m perfect. That I’m simple. That you think about me. But your words are not enough. I know you don’t want to hurt me. Pretending you care more than you do. Even when I want you to lie to me, I appreciate that refuse to.

There are so many things I will never get to tell you. Because you won’t let me get too close.

We are still dancing around your vulnerability. My heart is wide open and yours is damaged by wounds you are not ready to share.

But what’s to become of my love? The silent yearning. The longing for you that has become as much a part of me as my heart beating in my chest.

I don’t need anyone to tell me I should leave you alone. That you’re not my soulmate. You’re not the one.

Don’t be cruel.

I’m not ready yet. My hearts in too deep.

So if you’re never going to love me, please don’t tell me now.

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